A sick joke, THE Gammon way:

My youngest daughter has become a big fan of sick jokes. My fault obviously, no good happens to children whose mother cannot provide certainty of anything from today – to – tomorrow.

Still I’m proud of this little survivor making the most of her current situation.

Although, as hard as she scrolls the internet for gorier and gorier jokes she can’t match the practical joke still being played out on us.

Let, me re-tell it to the World again:

Sick joke, THE Gammon way:

Thomas: Derek, I want to have the biggest and bestest BIM conference in town organised for one of the Government VIPs’!

Derek: No worries Thomas, I’ve got the most controversial yet highly respected global BIMexpert signed up to do it for us;

Thomas: Would she not worry about coming all the way to do one conference only?

Derek: Don’t worry Thomas, we’re pretend it is a long term thing, we’re telling her we’re employing her for a full time job and call her role a ‘Head of Innovation’

Thomas: Is there a danger she’d suspect we are not much good at BIM?

Derek: Don’t worry too much, I have thought about it too, she has clearly shown her suspicion, so we put her to ease by focusing on her family;

Thomas: You are bringing out her family?

Derek: Of course, this way it is so much more believable, we even paid for an agent to find schools for them and search for long term accommodation too

Thomas: Long term accommodation? Isn’t that going to be going too far, we will get rid of her straight after the conference?

Derek: that’s OK, we will set it up so it will be all her own fault; Not difficult, we are so bad, she’ll easily get disturbed by our over-claiming of BIM capabilities and get into trouble questioning it!

Thomas: But she can’t rent a flat without our letter of long-time employment!

Derek: So, when was this a problem before? You know Edmond will write any letter for us!

Thomas: Wouldn’t our parent companies get a bit worried about our actions?

Derek: Nope, as long as everything is by the book…

Thomas: Not even the ethics committee of BB?

Derek: Nah…We just have to make sure she pays all her set-up costs (for schools and accommodation) up front and she will be so skinned by the time she is fired, she will be glad to be out from here…
BB will never even need to know, let alone Jardines! You know, they can hardly distinguish between what a lousy BIM consultant  and a  pretend colour coordinator are and she could easily pass for either!

Thomas: Cool! Just make sure no bad publicity!

Derek: Bad publicity? Here? You know all the media is on our side! All those free lunches are finally paying their dividends!

….

OK – no real punch line for this ‘sick joke’ just a very bad taste in my mouth…

Of course this conversation is totally imagined by me – but looking at the facts, how else could have things possibly had come to this ending for me in such a short time frame, unless it had been a sick joke all along…?

…

For those still in need of a joke with a real punch-line, see my daughter’s favourite joke from today:

(remember, she is 15, what has happened to us via Gammon is still a bit too awful to relay directly to her in fullness)